While most parents are posting video renditions of pure glee and dancing excitement about the first day of school, I am dreading it. Don’t get me wrong, one kid at home for 6 hours, no fighting and quality time with the littlest is going to be amazing and I look forward to that, but I really don’t want school to start.
I have a sensitive child. This is a blessing and a curse. While I don’t have to worry about her uppercutting another kid on the play ground I worry about her getting her feelings hurt. I’m not completely blind she can be a jerk to her little sister and she isn’t without flaw. In the eyes of a mother you see the good in your kids. I see her heart and she wears it on her sleeve out there for anyone to take advantage of but at the same time she is so kind to other kids and its an amazing value. She still has normal six year old fits, cries and stubbornness but I still see my little over due baby walking into a whole new time in her life. Its such a blessing to have a sweet child but to a mom it is a curse. Maybe first grade will bring with it a backbone and maybe not yet. I have talked to a school friend with the same kind of child and it is her worries too, its nice to not be alone. I worry about her being left out and not having the voice to stick up for herself. We have helped to teach her how to fix these things but in her own time they will all come to fruition and until then I will worry.
There is a handful of things to be excited about; art class, socialization and the pure love she has for learning. For a mom that has held her hand every single day for the past six years, stepping into full day school is difficult for me. Cut the umbilical cord? Yeah I know, I’m just not 100% ready to send my tenderhearted little girl away for 30+ hours a week away from me. I can’t always be there to protect her and she has to learn these things on her own but for the past six years I have gotten to protect her and that is a value of being a mom I love the most.
I can blame my over worrying and I can blame what has happened in our schools lately. Besides bullying, school shootings and crazy people that do messed up things, giving my child to the hands of someone else all day for 180 days doesn’t exactly make me jump up and down. I do trust her school and we live in a really amazing area but being a mom I can’t ever stop worrying and I wont.
So yes I can’t wait to finally get one on one time with the littlest and I can’t wait for quiet stress free afternoons and I can’t wait to go grocery shopping with just one kid. In the back of my mind I can’t always let go of the fact that part of my life is learning and growing and it is out of my hands. She will take on a whole new persona, learning about life, friends, boys and zebra print leggings. She will have a blast while I worry about finding a friend on the playground and if she could get her juice box open.
Slow down little girl.